Diet Journal, Day 1.
Dear Abbey, it’s time to quit being a fatass.
If you are younger than 25 I am guessing you don’t even know who “Dear Abbey” is. Back in the day before the internet, people had to write into the newspaper to ask for advice, and “Dear Abbey” was a column you could write into. Imagine that; you couldn’t just hashtag #lifehack and find all the answers to your life problems.
Anyways, as a joke in high school, some people would call me out as “Dear Abbey” and ask me for odd advice.
Well, now it’s time for me to give myself advice.
I have always struggled with my weight. In high school and my early twenties, I managed it with eating disorders. I expect that is a rather normal but extremely unhealthy thing for a young girl to go through, and luckily I outgrew that phase of my life without any terrible side effects.
In my mid twenties, I managed with exercise. I didn’t love my weight, but I was okay with it. I mostly ran, and would do some occasional pilates. I was also very active and spent my weekends in the summer golfing, swimming, etc., and the winters I went snowboarding frequently.
At 29, I got surprise pregnant with my daughter. I gained about 32lbs with my pregnancy, which was more than I had wanted, but wasn’t so much that I was unhappy with myself since I know people who struggled with gaining a whole lot more.
Within 6 weeks of having a baby, I was back down to my pre-baby weight. On maternity leave I was able to go for long walks during the day, pretty much every day which was nice. I was eating relatively healthy, making sure to not over eat, but didn’t have to watch this too much since my metabolism was in a good place thanks to breastfeeding. I was super proud of myself!
Then, I went back to work. I spent 10-11 hours a day, 5 days a week at work and commuting. I wasn’t able to walk with my baby regularly anymore. I was worn out from newborn life, and felt guilty for my long days, so I decided some snuggle time with my baby was more important than working out after work. +5LBS
My breast milk dried up and I wasn’t able to breastfeed anymore. +5LBS
6 months postpartum after stopping breastfeeding, my hormones CRASHED out of control. I got eczema. My hair fell out. I had my period for 4 months straight. Had to start a special high hormone birth control to counter this and get me back to normal. +5LBS
12 months postpartum, extreme postpartum depression became obvious and was much beyond what I could handle without medication. Started antidepressant medications. +10LBS
Here I am. 25LBS heavier than I thought I could ever be… So super fat that I can’t even believe it. None of my jeans fit. I got married almost 7 months pregnant and was 10 LBS LIGHTER than I am now. UGH.
It never occurred to me I could loose control of my weight. My weight has always fluctuated easily, but with some light exercise and smart eating I could keep it within a range where I was happy. I look at pictures of myself now and just can’t believe that is me and am genuinely embarrassed.
The dumb part is I KNOW WHAT TO DO! I know what it takes to control my weight and have done a good job of it in the past. So, I am going to rewind to my pre-baby days, take no excuses, and loose this weight and keep it off. I have to so that I can feel like myself again.
I think the biggest thing I need to improve is my accountability. I tell my husband that I am going to eat healthy and work out, but often it doesn’t happen. Or it will happen and I loose 5 LBS, then we fall off the wagon on a pizza and beer night and I gain it all back. So, what better way to keep yourself accountable than on your BLOG which is public for the whole world to see!!?! Some people only blog about their weight loss journeys alone and I don’t intend to do that, but I do plan to blog more healthy meals, and weekly check-ins on my progress.
So, day 1 of my journey, I am blogging this. For breakfast I had black coffee and gluten free cereal with skim milk. For lunch I made hubby and I delicious turkey bacon Caesar salads. For dinner, we are having protein bowls with brown rice, beets, chickpeas and green beans. I will do some Pilates tonight, and continue to find some time to exercise every day, even if it is only for a short period of time. My goal is to loose these 25 LBS and be happy with how I feel about myself again!
Below are some motivational pictures for myself – what I looked like before these extra pounds.